Your dad touched me again.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
