my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
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