I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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