You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
