dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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