Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
