Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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