there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
