I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just invented taco cereal.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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