4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
