im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
