i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
