I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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