How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
