Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
we should paint friendship bongs
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
