it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I AM VODKA MAN
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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