it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
