We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
