You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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