took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
