It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
