just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
