I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Enjoy the penises
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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