he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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