My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
