I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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