I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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