Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
