Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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