It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
