It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
