guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
