OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
