This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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