my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
