I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
