He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
