Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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