did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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