too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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