Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
