Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
