he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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