I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
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Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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