Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
