if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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