my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
