Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
