my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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