honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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