I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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