shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
