You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
