ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
