so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
