My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
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We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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