Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
party gras won. party gras always wins.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
