i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
