and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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