all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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