Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
