Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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