Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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