i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
