we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
