WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
